Who “owns” Forgiveness?

There is a fundamental machlokes regarding the role that another person’s forgiveness plays in kaparah for an aveirah bein adam lachaveiro.

Consider two cases:

1) A person sincerely regrets hurting his friend, resolves never to repeat the wrongdoing, and asks forgiveness three times, as prescribed by Chazal — but his friend still refuses to forgive him.

2) A person has sincere charatah and resolves never to repeat what he did — but despite his efforts, he cannot locate the person he offended and therefore has no opportunity to ask forgiveness.

According to the Minchas Chinuch, actual forgiveness is ultimately necessary for complete kaparah — דבחבירו תליא, the matter remains dependent upon the person who was wronged. In both cases, therefore, something remains lacking in his kaparah. (Minchas Chinuch, mitzvah 364)

The Pri Chadash, however, understands that the essential requirement is the offender’s obligation of ritzui. If he has genuinely repented and sincerely does everything within his ability to appease the person he hurt, his kaparah does not remain dependent upon something beyond his control. (Pri Chadash, O.C. 606:1)

The Pri Chadash points to the precise language of the Mishnah:
עד שירצה את חבירו — until he appeases his friend.
It does not say עד שיתרצה חבירו — until his friend becomes appeased. (Yoma 85b)
In other words, the Minchas Chinuch seemingly understands that the aggrieved party is the baal — the “owner” — of the forgiveness. The Pri Chadash understands that seeking forgiveness is fundamentally part of the offender’s own process of teshuvah. If he could attempt to make amends but chooses not to, that itself demonstrates that his teshuvah is incomplete.

This may shed light on a fascinating Gemara.
When someone had wronged Rav Zeira, he would deliberately make himself available to that person so that the offender could approach him and seek forgiveness. The Gemara similarly relates that when a butcher who had wronged Rav failed to approach him before Yom Kippur, Rav himself went to facilitate the reconciliation. (Yoma 87a)

Why couldn’t these Amora’im simply be mochel the offenders from home?
According to the Pri Chadash, perhaps because the offender himself needs to perform the ritzui. Asking forgiveness is not merely the means of obtaining mechilah; it is part of his teshuvah.

But that raises a fascinating question in the opposite direction:
Every night in Krias Shema she’al hamittah — and again in Tefillah Zakah on Erev Yom Kippur — we declare that we forgive those who have wronged us.

According to the Pri Chadash, what does that accomplish? If approaching the person one hurt and seeking forgiveness is itself an essential element of teshuvah, how can our unilateral mechilah help someone who never performed that ritzui?

_Based on a shiur by Rav Yissochor Dov Feldman_